Sadness and grief

Parents feel an acute sense of loss when their child is diagnosed with leukemia. They
feel unprepared to cope with the possibility of death, and fear that they may simply
not be able to deal with the enormity of the problems facing the family. Parents
describe feeling engulfed by sadness. Grieving for the child is common, even when
the prognosis is good. Parents grieve the loss of normalcy, the realization that life will
never be the same. They grieve the loss of their dreams and aspirations for their
child. Shame and embarrassment are also felt by some parents. Cultural back-
ground, individual coping styles, basic temperament, and family dynamics all affect
the type of emotions experienced.
Even though my daughter’s prognosis was good, I would find myself
daydreaming about her funeral. Certain songs especially triggered this
feeling. I invariably burst into tears because I was ashamed to be
thinking/planning a funeral when I just could not imagine my life without
her. When these feelings washed over me, I could actually feel a physical
sensation of my heart ripping.
Cynthia Krumme’s book Having Leukemia Isn’t So Bad. Of Course It Wouldn’t Be My
First Choice describes a message tacked on the Massachusetts General Clinic bulletin
board:
How do I feel? Don’t ask!…aside from nervousness, irritability,
exhaustion, faintness, dizziness, tremors, cold sweats, depression,
insomnia, muscle pains, mental confusion, internal trembling, numbness,
indecisiveness, crying spells, unsocial, asocial, and anti-social
behavior…I feel fine….Thank you.
Parents travel a tumultuous emotional path where overwhelming emotions subside
only to resurface later. All of these are normal, common responses to a catastrophic
event. For many parents, these strong emotions begin to fade as hope grows.
Hope
After being buffeted by illness, anger, fear, sadness, grief, and guilt, most parents
welcome the growth of hope. Hope is the belief in a better tomorrow. Hope sustains
the will to live and gives the strength to endure each trial. Hope is not a way around,
it is a way through. The majority of children conquer childhood leukemia and live
long and happy lives. There is reason for hope.
Many families discover a renewed sense of both the fragility and beauty of life after
the diagnosis. Outpourings of love and support from family and friends provide
comfort and sustenance. Many parents speak of a renewed appreciation for life and
consider each day with their child as a precious gift.
A Japanese proverb says: “Daylight will peep through a very small hole.”